This past week Ireland came to the shocking discovery that the American founded company, Subway, was secretly pumping their bread with sugar. The amount of sugary-goodness that coats the arteries of Americans everywhere was deemed “too high” for the potato eating pussies across the pond. Come on Ireland, live a little. “WE AIN’T HERE FOR A LONG TIME WE’RE HERE FOR A GOOD TIME” is what I am sure Subway lawyers are shouting at the court of Ireland.
Now Subway isn’t a public stock so the financials of the company is fairly secretive, BUT we do not that Subway is one of the largest, if not THE largest fast food chain in the world. Beating out McDonalds, KFC, Burger King and all the other artery clogging chains that are household names in the good ole US of A. Ok ok, enough shitting on our obese society.
It’s bad press for Subway. To not be able to classify your bread as…. Bread. In Ireland especially, this is not a good look lol. The chain will inevitability find a way to market their bread even probably making up some fucking word for it (you know pringles aren’t considered chips?!?!?). Subway will undoubtedly be taking a short-term loss that could end up as a long-term mistake if they can’t find a way to fix it. Subway is not new to scrutiny of the food quality. Since the chain began rapidly expanding a decade or two ago, there have been complaints, requests, and lawsuits both domestically and internationally. The Fast-Food Sub provider will be able to take this and hopefully turn it around. You remember the Jared Campaign?? We loved seeing those commercials of that used-to-be-fat-fuck standing in his comically oversized jeans. He lost all that weight because he started, he eating Subway?! No, no he fucking didn’t, but the company did get his consent to market it that way so who the fuck cares right? Jared probably lost the weight through diet, exercise, crying himself to sleep, AND MAYBE a little bit to a Subway sandwiches. The point is that Subway can fucking spin a disaster, they’ve done it before.
Subway will take a hit, but this won’t stop the Sandwich giant. It seems like “expansion at any cost” is the motto over at the headquarters and to be honest, it hasn’t completely fucked them or anything. Subway seems to be a viable company that is more than likely, quite profitable. So? what if their mascot got caught up in a kiddie porn scandal? Subway THRIVES on chaos. Anarchy is just a way of life for them.
But honestly, the fact that a court in Ireland called them out for selling turkey and cheese between two pieces of processed sugar rolls can’t stomp out this giant. They have fallen on their face before and will again. Subway is beautifully resilient in a sick kind of way. We are not here to judge that though.
Subway, now is your chance to pull out the whole “but we have lettuce and that is healthy” card. I mean it’s the ace up your sleeve and you are oddly poised to use it at will. Pull the trigger and prove us fat fucks proud over in America. God’s speed.
Anyway, that’s my take on it. Until next time. -GS
Komentáře