Yep. I was wrong. I can admit that, I’m a big enough person, I know when I’m at fault. Look when I wrote about the possible suitors for the very desperate TikTok a few weeks ago, I said that companies like Snapchat and Oracle, were out of the running immediately. It just didn’t seem like a buy, Snap couldn’t afford it, and Oracle just seemed like a pipe dream. Oracle and TikTok are so different, and they still are. Even after this historic deal went through, just like the use of American data by Chinese companies, there are cloudy areas, shady parts, and a lot of gaps.
The deal is on the most basic level, a way for Oracle to process TikTok’s US data in order for it to not be corrupted, and also for America to have it’s hand in what has been emerging as the biggest app in recent times and that says a lot. America is doing it for “Security Reasons” oh yeah fucking right. Security might be a part of it but I’d be willing to bet it’s that sweet cash flow and a way to advertise to billions. What’s odd is that Oracle, a seemingly small entity in the sea of companies viding for TikTok, struck a deal. Biz Bites would be willing to say the deal was made because of the size of it all. I mean this was a minority stake when I bet my bottom fucking dollar that Microsoft was asking for most to complete ownership. Oracle is touching the data, which makes Oracle viable but not indestructible.
Oracle is getting America’s foot in the door and making TikTok a “trusted” company, with that and TikTok’s headquartering in LA is just proving they are trying to get away from the stigma of the Chinese backed/owned company. Look, the US and China haven’t been on great terms. It’s like the father and stepson at thanksgiving after about the 4th beer and moving to liquor, the situation is tense. It’s not fun, and if we don’t start coming to agreements, well then there might just be a fight on the front lawn. “Again, this year?” The neighbors sigh…. Yes Deborah, again. But seriously TikTok has needed some sort of backing like this for a while, I can’t believe it’s Oracle, but fuck me, it’s the FUTURE baby!
Oracle is a good albeit odd match for TikTok, and hopefully this will give the US a chance to get in on the weird fucking trend that captivates everyone from 7 to 16 and of the course the creeps from 27 to 35, yeah buddy, sure, you’re just “bored”, get ready to say that for courtroom. If TikTok can continue the growth that it has been on for even two more years, I would be willing to say it’s the biggest app possibly ever, by downloads, and active users. TikTok is a beast but maybe with a little more of that good ole American “Trust” we can tame it into a lil profit monster. Doesn’t that sound cute? Yes, yes it does.
TikTok has a new, and much smaller stake owner. It’s the one guy no one expected, the end of the movie where you go “holy shit balls it was him the whole time?!?!?!” Yes, that is Oracle now. Congrats.
Anyway, that’s my take on it. Until next time. -GS
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