You know, I’ve always kind of wanted to go viral for setting my house ablaze and then filming the destruction only to pull out a perfectly intact Stanley Cup with my ice water inside. But alas, I wasn’t cut out for insurance fraud.
Yes, the new craze is here and it comes in the form of a large reusable steel drinking cup named “Stanley Cups” and just like Furby’s, people are once again losing their fucking minds over an inanimate object, that just like their children will never truly love them. America fucking rocks. The fans really started flocking after a viral video of a Stanley Cup surviving a car fire made the rounds on the internet. The owner of the car films themselves going through the damage of what used to be their car and finding a flawless Stanley Cup that had not only survived the car fire but still had ice not melted (can’t believe I just had to make that distinction) and water in the cup.
Well, with most viral videos people started really giving a shit about Stanley Cups. We had a pretty light year as far as Black Friday trampling deaths, so it makes sense that suburban white mothers will fist fight over these bad boys. It’s true and the fights have been going on, mainly at Target for the Starbucks x Stanley Cup crossover, which made Jesus shake his head but what does he know. The cups and the craze are reaching egg pricing during the pandemic, just madness all around.
Now the company actually doesn’t seem too bad, I guess they started all the way back in 1913. They just make cups, with good material, and probably did not expect the coalition of the HOA leaders to grab on so strongly. And when a wave this strong comes in a good business will ride it out. Stanley is doing just that. In fact, when the car fire video happened, Stanley Cups actually bought that lady a new car. Hey if I tape my Stanley Cup to my Laptop and throw it in the river do I get the same deal?
Unfortunately for investors, Stanley Cups was bought by Pacific Market International like 20 years ago or some shit, and then Pacific Market got bought by the Havi Group which is privately-owned. Bastards. Anyway, when you look back at your life I really hope a fond memory doesn’t include suplexing a 40 year-old woman in Target over a Stanley Cup. But who am I to put down a dream? Keep dreaming baby. That’s my take on it, until next time. --- GS
Комментарии