Picture this: It’s 2027 and your AI mother bot is putting you down for your recharge nap. You have a Prime-4-Kidz sippy cup, and black mirror live-action is playing through your VR implant. What’s the one thing missing? Mother Bot, that dumb bitch forgot your mango JUUL Pod. You scream. She brings it. Finally, all is well in the world.
Is that the future you really want? Of course it is! And part of that future might be here before you know it. What? Prime-4-who? OH. No not that I am referring to an ever elusive, Mango JUUL Pod. Some say “Freedom isn’t free” I say, tell that to my FBI agent tracking me you jerk. Freedom is free and we are about to feel that freedom in a way that hasn’t been felt in 2 years.
The FDA is finally reversing the worst call since the replacement refs during the pandemic. And that was when they made the call to ban all flavored JUUL Pods. Well now their head is finally coming back out of their ass to give the public what we need…. Flavored JUUL pods. Back in 2021 and 2022, the FDA was going through a midlife crisis, and took away the variety of flavors for Juul. The public was not happy, in fact me and a bunch of High Schoolers were pissed. Banning Juul while keeping products like Elf Bars, Geek Bars, and Esco (that’s right you guessed it) Bars seems like a blatant scenario of “Who does the FDA like more”? Well now we finally are getting a level-playing field after the FDA has decided to consider reversing that decision.
Of course, many are not happy with the possibility of JUUL back on the market. Many cite the “youth e-cigarette epidemic of 2017 to 2019” as the reason that JUUL should stay banned, but I say fuck you. It’s not like kids didn’t find an alternative, right? I mean I see a 13 year old sucking down a “Tropical Mango Twist” Geek Bar and the first thing I think is “damn that kid is going to be so cool for their entire 30 year life-span”. However, skeptics or not, JUUL seems to be coming back. Time will tell if their material and product have truly been remembered. Although, JUUL might have to face facts that their product is no longer what the kids want.
So, we finally got the country to act like a proper country again. THANK GOD. JUUL will hopefully be fully back on the market within the next year or so. High Schoolers rejoice. You finally get to rip a mango pod while the cafeteria is gunned down. That’s freedom baby! Anyway, that’s my take on it, until next time. --GS
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